Many people want more confidence - it's sort of that thing that James Bond inspires us with. There's a certain attraction in doing things with ease, in going through life without much effort or worry.

While I wrote extensively on the topic of confidence, today I want to give you a very simple way of thinking about it and give you a practical tip for feeling more confident literally after reading this short paragraph. 

I want you to forget thinking about confidence and lack of - and instead think of relaxation vs. tension. 

If you think about how you are when you feel like you’re lacking confidence - you’ll notice that the predominant thing is tension somewhere in the body. 

You’re just not “yourself”. 

Now think about how you are when you’re with someone that you know and trust - is there any tension there?

Would you say you feel confident around that person?

So what’s the difference?

Whenever you have tension in your body, you are either afraid of something happening (like failing, embarrassing yourself) or someone doing something (rejecting you, criticising you etc.). 

However, when you are completely relaxed, you feel different - you feel like “yourself”. You can feel your power and you’re not burdened with what could happen or with what someone will do. 

You are able to access ALL of yourself. 

So the question is, what produces tension in the body? 

The reality is that tension is produced by your mind - specifically, by what you’re thinking about while in a certain situation. 

Someone who is psyching themselves up before a job interview about what’s going to happen if they don’t get the job - of how the money is running out, how they’re not getting much applications is going to appear very different to someone who just goes to a job interview with a smile and not burdened by all of those things. 

I’ve identified 4 things that cause us to tense up and lose that natural confidence, and I want to talk about one of those things right now.

The first cause is attachment, as in when we get really attached to something or someone, like a certain outcome that we think we absolutely have to achieve. This could be getting the girl, passing the test, or getting that job. 

For example, if you’re on a job interview, and you feel like you really need it - you’ll be all tense and won’t feel relaxed, and won’t be able to access all of yourself. 

So what’s the answer? Are you suppose to simply not care anymore about anything and just walk around “confident’?

No.

Even though I am talking about tension vs. relaxation, I don’t believe you can (or even should) be completely relaxed in a situation where something important is at stake. 

An athlete I know said to me, that if he doesn’t feel those butterflies before the game, he won’t play well. So tension can and is a good thing when it comes the time to perform. 

However, there is something called an “optimum level of tension”, which means that if that same athlete feels too much of tension, he won’t play well. 

So it isn’t so much about completely relaxing but it is about entering that state when the tension vs. relaxation is at an optimum level.  

The tension has to be there, that desire to get whatever it is that you want, but if you want to have confidence, at the same time as having that strong desire for getting what you want, a part of you needs to let that thing go and be OK with losing and not getting it.

​That will relax you and actually make you perform better. 

The dichotomy has to be between “I want it BAD” and “I don’t give a shit”. Those two parts have to exist in you at the SAME TIME.

THIS will enable you to perform at your highest level and access ALL the parts of yourself.

Has it ever happened to you, that someone criticised you, and as you were listening to them -  felt like jumping out of your skin?

Do you typically have an "ego crash" anytime someone offers feedback on where you didn't do that well... and how you could do things better?

​Do you feel like you have to defend your position whenever someone tries to correct you?

Well I was a textbook example of this.

Whenever I experienced criticism, I would flame up, defend my actions and try to justify them with logic. 

"You just don't understand...you just don't."

One day we had a large meeting at an insurance company I worked with. The manager stood out and asked if someone was willing to do the sales presentation in front of everybody, to kind of test his or her skills. 

He asked if there were any volunteers.

Nobody raised their hand. 

Except me. 

I stood up, feeling proud and confident of myself to show everyone how it was done. 

I went through my presentation all the way through, and at the end put up a huge grin and smiled at everyone. 

"So... how did I do?"

​I smiled.

But the feedback was... well... less than pleasant. 
​

• "That was the worst presentation ever..."
• "You're sitting like you're in a bar..."
• "I would never buy from someone like you..."

And on and on they went, criticism piling one on top of each other. 

However, and this is the difference that made all the difference:

Instead of becoming angry, ego-hurt and defensive, I opened up my notebook...

And started writing. 

I wrote EVERY SINGLE ONE of those criticism down... 

With the intention of turning them into areas I need to work on.  

After they were done with the grilling... I thanked everyone for their feedback, and returned to my seat.

We had another meeting. 

Again, the manager asked the same question - any volunteers?

Nobody raised their hand. 

Except me. 

Everyone was laughing under their breath, remembering my flop from last time. 

When I started my presentation, everyone went quiet. 

I hammered it away. 

This time a new, improved version of myself, based on the feedback I got.

After I was done, I closed my book, turned around, and looked at them all.   

Not a sound was heard in the room. 

And then suddenly, I heard a clap. 

Then another. 

Then another. 

Soon the entire room clapped. 
​

• "We never heard a better presentation!"
• "It was amazing!"
• "Well done!"

When somebody criticises you, if you're able to let your ego down for just one minute, and actually LISTEN to what the person is saying to you - without getting butt-hurt and defensive, you can LEARN a lot. 

But often, we'd much rather be RIGHT than GOOD. 

​So the lesson here is...

Getting criticism is hard... it just doesn't feel good. 

Especially if you're a man, that tends to hurt your ego. 

But you need to remember that the PAIN you feel because of criticism is TEMPORARY... but the benefits of really taking it in and LISTENING to it can last a LIFETIME. 

Whenever you can sacrifice your short term pride and humble yourself down, you will win in the long term. 

So what's your "pain point"? Where do you get triggered or defensive when someone criticises you? 

And what would happen if instead you could let it go... not take it as seriously, and simply LEARN from it?

Drop a comment down below and let us know!

Every time I stand in front of a camera to make a video - I feel uncomfortable. 

​Every time I want to go to the gym - I feel uncomfortable. 

Every time I sit down to write a blog post - I feel uncomfortable. ​

Are you the type of a person who will do whatever he or she can to AVOID discomfort?

Are you the type of a person who hates feeling uncomfortable...?

Doing anything worthwhile will require you to step OUTSIDE of your comfort zone.

And in fact, when you think about a goal or something you want to get or have - it is ALWAYS outside of your comfort zone. 

We like to imagine a fantasy that in order to get what we want, we'll just do couple of things that we feel comfortable with and voila - the result will be here. 

• We'll do 10 crunches and we'll have a 6 pack the next day.
• We'll go for a short walk and we'll shed pounds like butter. 
• We'll buy an online course on how to get rich and we'll get rich next week.

And I've seen people almost want to negotiate with this, like a rich spoiled kid:

"Oh yea, that seems nice, that's something I would do..."

And... 

"No that's not something I feel comfortable doing... so I won't do it..."

Like the goal that you want to accomplish cares what you feel comfortable with or not. 

To get what you want, it is PREDISPOSING that you'll need to do something that feels UNCOMFORTABLE. 

It's like eggs in a cake. 

There's no cake without eggs. 

And in fact, the higher your achievement, the more UNCOMFORTABLE it feels to take the necessary action step. 

We humans are comfort seeking creatures. 

All we want to do is be comfortable. 

We want to do as much as we can, with as little effort possible. 

​Our intuitive pull is always doing what feels the most comfortable and easy... and avoid what feels difficult and uncomfortable.

But that often just leads to failure in everything.

• Failure in relationships. 
• Failure in business. 
• Failure in how our bodies look and feel. 

One of my mentors taught me the concept of COUNTER-INTUITIVENESS.

He taught me that our intuitive feeling is designed to make us fail. 

And that if we want to achieve any kind of success, it almost always involves us going COUNTER to what our intuitive pull tells us to do. 
​

• So intuitively we are more drawn to sweet and greasy food - but that will lead us to being overweight. 
• Intuitively we are drawn to have sex with as many partners as we can (I'm talking men here), but that will lead to failed relationships. 
• Intuitively we are drawn to lay in our cozy couch instead of going to the gym, but that will lead to poor physical condition.  

So if we want any kind of success, it requires us to go COUNTER to what our intuition is telling us to do. ​

I'd like to challenge you on something. 

I'd like you to go do something RIGHT now.

Right now I want you to step into your bathroom, and...

​Take a cold shower.

Every morning I take a cold shower. 

Not because I like how I feel DURING the cold shower, but because of how I feel AFTER. 

Before I'm about to turn the water to cold, I always feel uncomfortable. I'd rather not do it, skip it - and do it tomorrow. 

And when I do turn it, and I feel the cold water running down my spine, I feel uncomfortable. 

It doesn't feel good. 

However, after I come out, I feel great. 

I feel energised. 

I feel ALIVE. 

I'm ready for the day. 

Taking a cold shower taught me 2 things:

1. Doing what feels uncomfortable never really takes that discomfort away.
2. The ACT of getting out of your comfort zone however, get's EASIER. 

When I need to make a video.... 

I don't think about it anymore. 

I just turn on the camera and do it. 

When I need to take a cold shower...

I don't think about it. 

I just step in the shower and do it. 

I got USED to it. 

So where in life are you becoming too comfortable?

Where are you getting so comfortable that it's dangerous?
​

• Maybe you're too comfortable in your career, and you're not really pushing yourself enough. 
• Maybe you're too comfortable with your lack of exercise and physical activity?
• Maybe you're too comfortable with the lack of reading and learning new things? Maybe the last book you've read was back in the 5th grade when your teacher made you read Shakespeare?

Whatever it is, here's what I'd challenge you to do:

You probably know what you should do. 

You have that thing in your mind. It's probably constantly popping back to your mind.

Whatever that thing is, go and take a SMALL step towards it. 

If it's rejoining the gym, go pack your gym bag. 

If it's up your reading, go find that book that you left unread. 

If it's finishing a business project, go check out what's left to be done.

There's power in small steps. 

What is your small step?

What will you do?

Let us know below!

Can you honestly say, when your head hits the pillow and you are ready to fall asleep - that you did EVERYTHING you possibly could that day?

Can you honestly say, that you've taken FULL advantage of the day?

If the answer is yes, well congratulations. Good job. You're on your way!

But if you have that squeaky voice in your head telling you...

"You could actually do more..."

Then your probably COULD do more. 

My mentor used to say...

What is the difference between what you could POTENTIALLY do in a day, and what you actually do?

Are you squeezing full juice out of your lemon?

Brian Tracy, the world-renowned motivational speaker and probably the father of the modern self-development, used to give himself a challenge to finish all the things he had planned for the day...

By NOON that day. 

And I've tried doing the same, and found that I was able to do MUCH more than what I originally thought I could do.

We are capable so much more than what we think. 

When we think we've hit our limits, we've usually only scratched the surface. 

I recently found this meme by David Goggings talking about what's called The 40% Principle.

The 40% Principle states that when your MIND is telling you that you're done and you can't go any further, you're actually only 40% done - and you have about 60% more in the "tank".

This is life.

My dad is a mason. 

Not the kind who control the world, but the actual one, who builds buildings.

And when I was a kid, he would sometimes take me with him to various construction sites, where I'd just see these MASSIVE walls. 

I would always be amazed by the size and might of these walls. 

One day I asked my dad:

"Dad, how do you build a wall this big?"

He looked at me and said:

"One brick at a time son".

The way you build a wall is not by throwing a bunch of bricks together and hope they fall together.

But the way you build a wall is you LAY 1 BRICK as perfectly as a brick can be laid, and soon you will have a wall. 

Your days are like those BRICKS. 

If you want to have a full week, a full month, a full year or a full life - you don't have to concern yourself with anything else but having a FULL DAY. 

If you take the FULL advantage of a DAY...

Soon that day will turn into a week...

Which turns into a month...

Which turns into a YEAR...

Which then turns into your entire LIFE. 

So take FULL advantage of your 1 DAY. 

Do ALL you can in 1 day and the rest will fall in place. 

I used to be the guy who had BIG dreams... and BIG goals... and BIG everything... 

But when the time came to take action...

I would generally lay in the couch and watch sitcoms. 

My daily actions didn't support my BIG goals and dreams.

I simply wasn't doing enough. 

Then one day I woke up... 

I was broke...

My business was in pieces...

And I just ended a long term relationship because I just couldn't "get my stuff together"...

I was laying in bed, reminiscing on my life.

Thinking to myself:

"Where have I gone so wrong?"

I had all these goals for myself, and my life has gone into a completely different direction.

I felt a heavy burden on my chest of just REGRET. 

And in that moment it hit me:

My life was a direct reflection of all the things I did - and did not do. 

I was paying the price. 

I remembered a quote that I will remember for the rest of my life:

In life, you will always pay some sort of a price.

1. You will either pay the price of DISCIPLINE
2. Or you will pay the price of REGRET

The only difference is that discipline weighs OUNCES... but regret weighs TONS. 

​What price will you pay?

What is your 60% in a day?

How much MORE action could you take in any given day?

What ACTION would you need to take for you to feel satisfied with your day?

Commit to it, and then DO it.

Because I can promise you this:

There is no greater feeling in the world than falling asleep with a gentle smile on your face, exhausted, knowing that you've given your ALL that day. 

Are you the type of a person who needs to have all of his or her i's dotted and t's crossed before taking any action?

Do you sometimes find yourself unable to start, even after you've done all the preparation and planning, because you're just afraid of not having things not turn out exactly perfect?

Well what if I told you that trying to make things perfect before you can start moving is stopping you from making major shifts in your life?

I've learned that there's an image in a perfectionist mind that he or she is trying to accomplish, and it is almost always rooted in making a good impression on OTHERS. 

Or to say it differently, it is rooted in the FEAR of NOT making a good impression. 

Perfectionists are essentially, afraid. 

They are afraid that what they do won't be GOOD ENOUGH... so they keep extending the time to prepare and make everything "perfect".

But I've learned that the fear of something not being good enough almost always comes from the feeling that the PERSON isn't good enough.

And whatever we feel we're lacking on the INSIDE, we will try to create on the OUTSIDE. 

So a person who feels isn't GOOD ENOUGH... will always try to create things on the outside that are "good enough"...

Thus, becoming a perfectionist. 

Perfectionism is a FABRICATION of our mind. It is actually something that doesn't exist, but we humans created it.

If you take a look, it DOES NOT exist in nature. 

Mark Zuckerberg created this mantra around Facebook that states:

Point being, it's far better to have something DONE and get it out in the world, so the people can give feedback, than it is to try to create something to be perfect from the first try. 

Why?

Because getting it out there will give you FEEDBACK. And feedback is always a good thing. 

If it's positive feedback, you know what you've done right, so you can do it again next time. 

And if it's negative feedback, you know what to change. 

​Feedback gives you the chance to implement changes, so the thing can become more perfect.

Another aspect of trying to make things perfect is in the fear of making a MISTAKE. 

A while back this dude Nassim Taleb wrote a very good book, called ANTIFRAGILE. 

And in it, he talked about how things have to go through a stage of being FRAGILE in order to become stronger, or as he puts it, ANTIFRAGILE. 

As an example, the way aviation develops is by getting those planes off the ground and moving, and when an accident happens, they use it to make the next plane safer. 

However, if they waited and waited and then waited some more to make it perfect before they got people on board and fly... we'd still be crossing the ocean in wooden boats. 

You simply HAVE to get things moving BEFORE they are "perfect" and LEARN from the feedback you receive... and make it BETTER. 

I've once heard a stroy from Tony Robbins that I think can solidify this point.

When General Schwartzkopf assumed command of the United States Central Command in 1988,  he was presented with a difficult decision that needed to be made. 

There were 2 options, A or B. 

They all had this big meeting where the general was presented with all the facts, the pro's and the con's of making both decisions. 

They explained to him that the decision is highly important and will affect the course of the entire military force in the future. 

General listened carefully, and when they were done, he simply said: 

"Do option B."

And was done with it. 

They all looked at him in shock, at how could he make the decision so quick. 

He looked at them and said something in the ways of: "Indecision is worse than making a bad decision. At least we got this out of the way and can move forward."

At some point, you just have to get OFF the fence and decide... EVEN if the decision isn't optimal, and even if the decision will lead to some sort of a mistake. 

Because it is FAR WORSE to stay stuck on something, than it is to do it and have it not turn out the way you wanted to.

Why?

Well do you remember what we said about feedback?

Making a decision, any kind of a decision will give you feedback. And you'll be able to use the feedback to make the thing better than it was. 

Where are you unable to take action because you're afraid of what others will think, that it won't be good enough or that you'll simply make a bad decision that will lead to a mistake?

Whatever it is, remember these 3 things:

1. Perfectionism doesn't exist. It's something we people made up in our mind. 
2. Feedback and criticism from people is a GOOD thing, because it will give you the chance to do it better next time. Don't try to make it perfect the first time you go at it. 
3. Indecision is FAR WORSE than making a bad decision. So get off the fence and start moving!

Comment below on what is an action step you keep procrastinate on because you don't feel it's perfect. Share it with us!

There is a story of 3 friends. 

The story goes, that these 3 friends were sitting around a camp fire and talking... when suddenly they came up with an idea. 

The idea was that they will do an experiment.

They decided that each of them will do 1 small action every day for a year.

​After that year, they will come back and compare the results to see what happened. 

• The first friend chose to do 10 push-ups every day. 
• The second friend chose to read 10 pages of a book, every day. 
• And the third friend chose to eat 1 cup cake, every day. 

A year later they met and compared their results. 

And they were SHOCKED. 

The first friend who did 10 push ups every day, got into incredible physical shape. 

The second who read 10 pages a day, read a ton of books and was on his way to become a scientist. 

The third one who chose to eat a cupcake every day, well, he became overweight, obese. 

Why?

It turned out that when the first friend got on the floor to do his 10 push-ups, he would do the 10 push-ups and then didn't really feel like stopping there - so he would push for 15, then 20, then 30 and eventually reaching 100 push-ups a day. 

He got into a habit of exercising so he joined a gym and continued to workout there. 

With the second friend, when he was done with the 10 pages, he was pulled into the book and didn't want to stop there... so he kept reading to see what else was in the book. 

After a while, he found himself reading for 2 hours a day, eventually reading a ton of books. 

And the third friend, after eating that 1 cupcake - you guessed it - didn't feel like stopping either, but wanted to try "another one". 

And another.

And then another.

So he would keep eating, until that 1 cupcake became 10. 

He got used to the taste of the sugar and sweetness that he eventually changed his eating habits to a more taste-full food, with lots of carbs and processed food. His eating habits changed so dramatically that he couldn't control himself anymore, and got very obese. 

The point of the story is that whatever action you do HABITUALLY, no matter how small the start - it will GROW in size and lead to BIG changes. 

So if you want to get in shape, read more books, or even start a new career... you don't have to do THAT MUCH. 

You only have to do a little. 

And that "little" will take on a life of it's own... where it will become "a lot".

So if you want to (finally) get in shape, consider committing to 10 push-ups a day for 3 months, and see where does that lead you to. 

If you want to read more books, maybe start a habit of reading 10 pages of a book every day for 3 months, and notice where you end up. 

If you want to change a career, maybe start researching a new area of work for 10 minutes a day for 3 months, and notice what comes up. 

The key here is to START SMALL. 

And START. 

Step #1 is you have to DECIDE that it's time to change something. It could be an area of your life, like a relationship - a fitness goal, to quit smoking or whatever. 

Step #2 is to kick start it with action. I do not care what the change is, it ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS starts with an ACTION. Just a mere thought that you'll do something differently won't be enough. You have to actually DO something. 

Step #3 is to keep taking that action so that it grows into a MOMENTUM. As you keep going, as you keep pushing, the momentum flywheel will start to spin and will push you further and faster towards where you want to be. 

Step #4: is to stay CONSISTENT. After about a week, the initial excitement about what you're doing will slowly subside, and that's when you simply need to stay consistent with it. This is a point where you are ALMOST there, and all you have to do is just keep at it, until it becomes

Step #5: Create a HABIT. Now your ACTION has become a habit. A habit is simply something that you DO as part of your life. Going to the gym becomes a habit. You don't even think about it anymore. Reading for 10 min a day becomes a habit, you don't even think about it anymore. It's just like brushing your teeth - there isn't a lot of will power necessary to brush them every morning. 

Step #6: You get the RESULT you want. Now that you've done your action for so long, that action has slowly chipped away and built your new self. Now you became the new version of yourself. 

Do you have the tendency to start something, only to stop doing it after a few times? 

For example, maybe you pick up a book... you decide to read it every day... but after 10 or 20 pages you simply stop reading?

Or maybe you start exercising, get a gym membership and decide you'll go at it... but then after you 2nd "rest day" you forget to ever go back?

If that's your common story, then it is probably the reason WHY you don't achieve your goals.

Because here's the thing:

• You can have INTELLIGENCE
• You can have ABILITY
• You can have the TOOLS and all the RESOURCES

​But if you don't have this one thing, then NONE of it matters. 

And what is that thing?

That thing is the ability to STAY AT IT for a specific length of time, until the "it" becomes a HABIT. ​

Not what you repeatedly THINK. 

Not what you repeatedly SAY that you'll do. 

But what you actually DO. 

Whatever goal you want to accomplish, it will require you having the ability to START doing it, and then to actually DO IT for long enough, until it becomes a reality. 

Check out this 60 sec video of me explaining this concept with a simple example. 

How can you develop the DOING IT and not fall of after 2 days?

The answer is...

Make your entry point SMALL and EASY. 
​
What do I mean by this?

Well if you try to make the thing too big, and you try to do TOO MUCH... then you will fall off quickly. 

For example, if you say to yourself:

"Every day I will READ for 1 hour..."

That will be very hard to sustain if you never read before. 

You'll find it hard to "squeeze" in the time and will probably quit after 3 days. 

But if on the other hand you say:

"Every day, I will read for 7 minutes..."

How can you find an excuse not to read for 7 minutes?

If you actually do, then you probably never wanted to read in the first place. 

The thing is, even if you really don't have time... you can always be 7 minutes late to anything. 

Heck you can read while you wait in line to get your Starbucks.  

So the chances of you skipping that day are SLIM to none. 

When I created this habit, I would start with the intention of reading for just 7 minutes... but then I would stay at it for 30 min or more. 

And very often, I'd read for a full hour!

But if I started with the intention of reading for an hour, my mind would find some excuse not to do it. 

So the important thing is to just START. 

How about going to the gym?

Well when I tried creating a habit of going to the gym, I found that the hardest part was actually GOING to the gym. 

It was getting my ass to the actual LOCATION.

Because the mere thought of going to the gym made me think of all the heavy weights I needed to lift, the discomfort I'd feel and I pictured myself sweating in pain.

So I would procrastinate, until I eventually said: "I'll just go tomorrow..."

​So to fix that, I made my entry point just GOING to the gym. 

Exercising wasn't even necessary. 

If I just got myself to the gym, I would consider that as mission accomplished. 

And sometimes I would get into my gym clothes and start walking towards the gym, with the FULL intention of just walking into the gym, getting some coffee and then going back home... 

Only to be sweating like a pig 2 hours later (and loving it ofc).

You need to understand that your mind is a tricky thing... it doesn't want to see you in any kind of PAIN. 

So it will make you avoid it at any cost necessary, EVEN if it's for your own good. 

When you make your entry point so low, you automatically defeat your mind because you take away the PAIN of it. 

Make sense?

What kind of a habit would you like to establish?

Write it down here: _______________________________________ .

Now, think about what is your LOWEST entry point to doing that.

Write it down here: ______________________________________ .

Now, set a timeline for how long are you committing to doing this for:

I commit to doing it for _____ days / weeks / months. 

Excellent. 
​
As an example, my cousin wanted to get in shape, but he simply couldn't get himself to follow up on the daunting task of  actually signing up for a gym, then committing to going there on a regular basis...

So he came up with a simple task of doing 10 push-ups per day. 

It was SIMPLE, EASY and it was something he could do daily. 

He made the commitment of doing it for 75 days straight and making a video of himself doing it. 

On day 5 he did 28 pushups already. 

That's the power of a small entry point. 

So whatever it is you want to do, remember to start SMALL, make a LOW entry point and KEEP GOING. 

Comment below and tell us what will be your small action, and for how long you'll do it.